Present Situation…Mid-Air

Today was the day. I took the dive. It was my last day at the part-time job I held for almost two years. It was a bittersweet day.

Somehow it didn’t feel like what I felt like in that dream I last wrote about. I had some mixed emotions. Mostly, sad because I will not see my co-workers as often nor the kids I have grown to love. Somewhat excited to be free to devote more time to this mission and the new business developing. But I didn’t quite have the peace I felt in that dream when I was floating on my back in the water.

My kids hugged me and told me not to go. Then off they ran to greet their parents soon forgetting I wouldn’t be there next time. Some of my co-workers encouraged me by telling me how they had learned much from me. Something I really hadn’t realized. The co-worker who worked with me in the same classroom brought me flowers and, offered to help me write my book. My supervisor kept giving me the sad, pouty face and thanked me several times before reminding me to come back at any time. The executive director thanked me and offered to help in any way they could with this mission. I held back my tears and kept telling them all I’d probably be back in several weeks! Just because I’d need to see them and would help when they were desperate. Time will tell.

I cried on the way home. When I started this position, I tell you, it was hard! I had probably the most difficult group of kids, tweens, that had been there in recent years. Most of those kids now when I see them hug me and tell me they’re doing well, at least in their minds. Then last year I had a number of very difficult kindergarten children. I made it. They made it. They have their moments but, they are doing well. This year has been the best. That makes it all the harder to leave!

It is time though. I must move forward. It’s now or never. It’s do-or-die. Failure is not an option. Momentum is building and the time is now.

As I reflect on the emotions I’m experiencing I realize these are the emotions of “mid-air”. They’re crashing one into the other- sadness, joy in knowing I did my best, relief, excitement, and just maybe a twinge of fear if I let it in. I’m taking that breath before I hit the water.

And, on impact, I’ll be on my back, floating, and in peace. Thanks for following along the journey! Tomorrow I hit the ground running!


Flying Squirrels

As I was coming to the end of my walk today I noticed a squirrel fly about a foot off the ground into the air and hit the ground running. The thought came to my mind, “That’s me soon.”

It’s soon coming time to take off, fly through the air, and hit the ground running…again. It won’t be the first time I’ve flown through the air, completely trusting,abandoned feelings of reason, no fear. Why does it seem harder this time?

I’ve been here before, many times. I was younger then. More daring. Maybe I subconsciously thought I’d have more time to recover just in case “I” failed. Or maybe that mission didn’t seem so massive. Hmmm…. I don’t know, I don’t think so.

As I wrote in the first blog, it’s been a journey, a life-long journey, to get to where I am today. It’s been a process. And, man, have I been through the process! On good days I’m keeping a good perspective and appreciating the past and how I got here. On not so good days (just being real, I have a few) I wonder why I did what I did and question if I’m off my rocker-again!

I’m trying to remember, in the words of my Creator, that “perspective is very important”. I’m remembering that HE put this vision that some would call a crazy dream inside of me. That He WILL provide as He has done in the past.

But it’s different this time. In the past, when I opened a new business or quit a job to start a new business or nonprofit I didn’t start from the point I’m at now. Ok, so here’s where it gets a bit personal for me. But, hey, people like authenticity, right?

I am not where I “should” be at this time of my life according to this world’s standards. You know, according to those who set the standards for success. I struggle, big time, where all that’s concerned, according to their “standards”. I should be readying for retirement. Vacationing. Slowing down. So “they” say. (Who are these people anyway?!) But I never was one to follow the world’s standards. Hence, the path I chose.

But now it’s getting near time to jump off, fly and hit the ground running. I’m starting from a really hard place! BUT, I’m so very excited (some would call me crazy!). I know it will be a time of great growth, again. I know it will be a time of a greater measure of faith, again. And I know it will be a time when I’ll be joined by some amazing people, see the hand of YHWH Elohim’s (who most call God) provision, miracles, amazing grace and courage!

I’m planning on writing about the journey as we move forward into new land. (If you haven’t seen our Facebook page or YouTube channel, check them out. I’ve posted some videos and they’ll be many more to come!)

So, I invite you to come along with me on this journey and watch what HE will do! Put on your running shoes!