If you’ve been following along on my journey you’ll recall that I’ve jumped off…
…flown through the air…
…hung in mid-air for awhile…
… and was supposed to land on my back and remain in a blissful state of peace and rest for the entirety of my remaining days. (If you’re new to my blog check out the blogs leading up to this below.)
Sooo, why do I feel like this sometimes???
Ok, to be honest, for the most part I feel like this>>>>
My arms are really tired lately. But, they’re being supported by my Creator, Yahuwah, and my wonderful brothers & sisters and family.
For those of you just reading this blog for the first time, in a nutshell, I’ve jumped in, quit my part-time job, and have devoted my full efforts to this mission. No big deal, right?
Remember that dream I had that I shared with you? You know, the one where I landed on my back, no impact from the water, and floated blissfully away?
Uh, well, I’ve been looking for that feeling again. I’m just being transparent here. It’s been a whirlwind.
I listed my house for sale by owner, sold it in less than a week, with no real plans of where to go, closed several weeks after that. And I’m still here! The buyer of the house really made it convenient for me to take my time moving (I don’t know how people move so fast! I’ve been trying to get ready for a year and a half!) or stay if I want. That’s something I never thought of! It’s pretty amazing how things work out.
In the midst of this, I’m assisting my mom as she struggles a bit more as she ages, trying to educate myself on managing a new learning management system for the organization, run the social media campaigns, set up the trainings, etc., blah, blah, blah. I’m not telling you all this to complain although, it’s been hard.
But I thought I was supposed to be floating! I have to admit I’ve had stressful days. Days I’ve wrestled with if I’ve made the right choices. I’ve had to fight off the negative thoughts about making the same mistakes… again. Are we really supposed to be doing this?
One day while on my daily trail walk, I asked, “Why am I not experiencing that peaceful, blissful feeling I had in my dream? What is wrong with me?!” Then I realized it. There’s always the “next thing”.
I accomplished a pretty big task of selling my house but then began to think about the “next thing”. Now what? What do I do? Stay? Go? Rent? Buy? Move in with my mom? And believe me, it’s been a daily- sometimes on- and -off throughout -the -day thing! To the point of being ridiculous.
I had to confront fear. Yep. I’ve never been a fearful woman. (Except for the fear of bats which I have also had to confront, once again, this year!) But, I realized that the fear of returning to struggling financially again had put me in this constant state of, I hate to admit, worrying about lack. How crazy is that? I have never REALLY lacked a day in my life! Struggled, yes. Almost lost everything, yes.
Worrying about the “next thing”. On that walk that day, I realized there will always be the “next thing”. How profound, right?! I really should have known this. You know, there are those moments when truth really hits you and this was one of those moments.
The thing is I, we, need to learn how to have peace in the midst of ALL circumstances and the “next thing”, whatever it may be.
And now in the midst of what could possibly turn out to be a pandemic, who knows what the “next thing” will bring? Well, there is ONE who knows.
I won’t go into what we, as an organization are already experiencing, and right when we were about to step into our “breakthrough”. Instead, I choose to believe and trust in what’s already established for us, and look at this time as a chance to get that learning management system process locked down and begin our online classes!
I know some of you struggle with the same thing. What’s next? Now what? What should I do? How will I do it? I want you to know you’re not alone.
Something that has helped me in the past is to remember how I’ve come through. Sometimes you have to go through to get to!
To remember how I’ve been brought through some very difficult times. My life’s biblical scripture is, “You shall have your life as a prize of war becuase you put your trust in me,’ says YHWH.” (Jeremiah 39:18)
Let’s try to stay focused, think on good things and float in bliss! Because there’s always the next thing.
Peace and good health to you. Shalom!