Today was the day. I took the dive. It was my last day at the part-time job I held for almost two years. It was a bittersweet day.
Somehow it didn’t feel like what I felt like in that dream I last wrote about. I had some mixed emotions. Mostly, sad because I will not see my co-workers as often nor the kids I have grown to love. Somewhat excited to be free to devote more time to this mission and the new business developing. But I didn’t quite have the peace I felt in that dream when I was floating on my back in the water.
My kids hugged me and told me not to go. Then off they ran to greet their parents soon forgetting I wouldn’t be there next time. Some of my co-workers encouraged me by telling me how they had learned much from me. Something I really hadn’t realized. The co-worker who worked with me in the same classroom brought me flowers and, offered to help me write my book. My supervisor kept giving me the sad, pouty face and thanked me several times before reminding me to come back at any time. The executive director thanked me and offered to help in any way they could with this mission. I held back my tears and kept telling them all I’d probably be back in several weeks! Just because I’d need to see them and would help when they were desperate. Time will tell.
I cried on the way home. When I started this position, I tell you, it was hard! I had probably the most difficult group of kids, tweens, that had been there in recent years. Most of those kids now when I see them hug me and tell me they’re doing well, at least in their minds. Then last year I had a number of very difficult kindergarten children. I made it. They made it. They have their moments but, they are doing well. This year has been the best. That makes it all the harder to leave!
It is time though. I must move forward. It’s now or never. It’s do-or-die. Failure is not an option. Momentum is building and the time is now.
As I reflect on the emotions I’m experiencing I realize these are the emotions of “mid-air”. They’re crashing one into the other- sadness, joy in knowing I did my best, relief, excitement, and just maybe a twinge of fear if I let it in. I’m taking that breath before I hit the water.
And, on impact, I’ll be on my back, floating, and in peace. Thanks for following along the journey! Tomorrow I hit the ground running!